Stepping in to D-cember

Soon we'll be stepping into the last month of 2010. It can be exciting, it can be nervous. December holds a lot of things for me... at the same it makes me wonder what another year will be. December can be very happening!! Lotsa things going on,
lotsa people to meet. And everybody is in the year end mood.
Shopping, Holiday-ing, Lazy-ing....
To describe a year like a day, december is almost = bedtime....

Time to dream, rest/recharge, have fun,
so right now, i'm also planning what to do for my December.
Most importantly, what to do on my birthday.
Probably everybody will tink everybody is going to celebrate with me.
To be honest, i'm quite kia-su in a way.
To me birthday is a big day... and every once a year.
So I rather plan something on my own than risk nobody asking me out....

Last year, was the saddest birthday for me......
Facing much uncertainties.Everything was so "pending" that I don't even know what to wish for.
Or more so, wishing for something that I know won't come true
but still hope for a miracle!

I hope this year will change my fate a little...

I hope this year will at least end well for me, despite the rough beginning~

 

眼泪

眼泪都是我的体会
成长的滋味

忍住眼泪不让你们看见
我在改变
孤单的感觉

眼泪流过无言的夜

你们从不曾发现
我笑中还有泪

Things I wish I'd known earlier

I was searching for a file in my computer when I came across an article I saved 2 years back. It was originally entitled :Things I shud've known in my 20's. Although I'm just slightly pass 20... but there are indeed things I wish I had known in my earlier!

This is my edited version from the article....

Love and Relationships

When we were young, we wanted to start a family by 25 (like mom's generation). When we reach 18, hmm.. maybe married by 25 still not too late. By the time we reach 20, probably committed by 25 also ok. Then who knows where fate brings you... Now at 25, you just wish for someone by your side ^^

I find it quite ironic that when we're young, we try so hard to stay in one relationship forever but when we're old, we try only half as hard, if at all.  No matter how painful a breakup is and no matter how much that guy/girl has hurt you, know that you will find a better one.

Health

Know that your body is not invincible. What you choose to put into your body while you're young will catch up with you years later. Eat right and exercise. I dun care if people say i'm thin. I just had my thorough body check, and the results are good. I'm born this way. If u hate me, u hate my mum! I exercise because exercise produces endorphine; and endorphine makes people happy. Tat's all I need at the moment – HAPPY!

Friends

This is truly a year, I gain my own perspective about friendships. Couldn't agree more with what the article says. When we're young, we think our friends are our world. They are the ones that know your deepest, darkest secret and you run to them for advice or for a sympathetic ear when your heart's been broken. Friends are great, they are awesome, don't get me wrong. But know that although you may think they give out the greatest advice and have your best interest at heart, they're just as clueless as you are! Years and years from now, you would be lucky if you're still friends with the friends you have now. Most of them dun last, I only wish for the best, that wherever I end up, I would still have a friend to hold me!

Family

Despite those moments when you really, really wanted to kill them. All the wind and storm thru every mother and daughter relationship. One thing I know for sure is that I'm closer to my mom than ever. I pour out more easily to her. Sometimes, I cant wait to share something with her and I'll make a call home (though I'd see her every week). It's only now that I'm on my own that I appreciate what they did for me. I realized that if my family hadn't been there to keep me in line, God knows where I would've end up now! This especially true when I went thru my break-up. My brother has been constantly reminding me to move on; my sis talking to me everyday (until today) to make sure I sleep well at night; and my mom - endless prayer securing me! N more than anyone knows, I miss my dad so much, I still dream of him.. Years and years from now, your family will still be there for you....

解脱

记得我第一次听这首歌时，是为民歌的一个partner伴奏。。。

没有特别献给谁，只是今晚突然想听，也觉得很舒服！

热泪越沸腾
我越感觉有点冷
变了心的人
越想越伤人
枯坐到清晨
阳光替房间开了灯

解脱是肯承认这是个错
我 不应该还不放手
你有自由走我有自由好好过
解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个 梦
心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人再担心我 

真的有时候会失去方向感。有时会找不到平衡点。很努力地去适应。。。。

当我们同在一起

王羚柔：
突然间 下起了雨
雨让我 好想好想你 想抱着你
当我们同在一起 在一起 在一起
在一起 在一起 其快乐无比

你是我 曾经的甜蜜
我是你 爱情的过去
那一晚 美好的记忆
我们都 不能够忘记
因为我 很爱很爱你
所以能 微笑着离去
虽然我 不会在见你
幸福是 我们曾经在一起

掌声鼓励

影响力少了，虽然我承认还有，但是少了，是我长一智了吗？

熬过了。。。

一首歌的感触

我平时喜欢一首歌，不但喜欢它的旋律。如果歌词写得有意思，就会更喜欢！
有时真的很佩服作词的人。因为他们可以描写得那么贴切，那么出动人心。
昨晚睡前就随便按了手机mp3想听着，睡着去。这么刚巧播Manhand - 慢游世界。顿时我心沉了一下。歌词没有怎样特别，只是发现这首歌的哪时候，发生了一点事。是它的旋律，勾起了那首歌当时的用途。而现在听回的时候，那种沉重感又出现了。几次了，每一次发生事情的时候，事隔很久后，突然听回一些音乐，会出现那种感觉。会不小心的触动那个角落。

Have fun !

Today as usual I had my badminton game with colleagues.

But today we have less people becos some had other plans.

Usually we will take one court and the other courts are occupied by

some other gentlemen. They are all regulars and good players!

The best part is after non stop playing for an hour, those other gentlemen 

came over and ask for a mixed doubles. This is truly a good match!

The fun we had! After the first game, we were quite happy with the collaboration

So we continued the second game. Whoa…. This is really good!

In fact, I felt my day was so so so much better after the game.

Thank God for the laughter after a sucking day…

空位

今天逛街时，本想找王力宏的新专辑，刚好给我看到最近又红起来的张信哲专辑。瞄了一下专辑的歌名，看到一首《空位》。被这个歌名吸引之下，原来还有简介。《空位》细腻描写城市里的寂寞、戒不了的习惯、填不了的空缺，句句歌词都唱进阿哲心里，专辑中一首最真诚的自我告白！结果速速回家download来听。果然，讲中我的心声 T.T

遥控器按一整个晚上
有一张很空的双人床
打开了网页到处逛
有一杯独享的冷咖啡香
我已习惯 每个城市都独来独往
但还是渴望偶尔有人在身旁
这里有空位你要不要占缺
不用刻意把我当成你的谁
请 再坐近一点将陌生感消灭
然后就像情人那样体贴
心里的空位
我很乐意出借

头有点痛，想太多了吧！在驾车路途中，不断地回想大学生活。

唉，只求有人回应下我啦。。。

我害怕

有事情让我害怕了。
这件事无法对任何人说，
我只希望有人可以握住我的手，让我心跳放慢。
我真的无法安心。。。

沙滩上的脚印，逐渐不见。。。

人家说，认识的人来来往往数多个，知心的才会留下脚印在你心中。
可惜脚印只是让你回想起这个脚印是从哪里来，而当你跟着这个脚印走下去的时候，
你会发现脚印越来越浅，然后不见掉。朋友就是如此。不管多么要好的朋友，毕竟不是你的Soul Mate，总不能陪你到老。Personality会变，所要的会变，追求的东西都在不同的阶段，所以很不喜欢但一定会改变。而这个改变一定是变淡！
当然我有事时，应该都会有朋友来慰问我，但我要的是快乐也会跟我一起分享的人。我是天真，以为会有永恒的友谊。当很多年以后，你会发现你想起的某一个朋友是在Past Tense!直到毕业以后，发现要“保持联络”真的不容易！我肯施肥，你不肯浇水。累！直到工作上也发现，知心的再也不贴心，陌生的倒可以分享心声。还不是360度变？
所以说：the biggest threat to a friendship is change！

失眠的声音  变得好熟悉

雨要多大    天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴

一个人撑伞
一个人擦泪
一个人好累

Geramnya~

Today I really feel like throwing that @#^$%&*(*^ words to the sales girl!

I hope she learn her manners. I'm not any rich girl. U probably won't lose much if u lose me as a customer. But u'll never get far!!!

突然有感触

1）我想要每个星期为自己set一个target.不想愿望只有生日才能够许，每年的最后一天(31st Dec)才希望明天会更好。要锁定一个改变。可能可以整理一下旧相簿，或是时候换下发型。再来布置下房间。年尾生日的朋友多，Christmas可以交换礼物，做点手工也不错！很久没织的围巾也可以继续动工 ^^总之就很像跑Sales这样,要达到我的 Bull's eye!

2) 我也决定要停止等待。只是不想什么都要人陪。今天如果我想看戏，尽管没有人陪，我不介意一个人买票看。反正也不是第一次。 有人陪当然是最好，但没有时，我不想再等候了。有点活在当下的样子。今天若想吃巧克力，管他没有人买给我，我自己疼自己 - 下午吃了两片chocolate moist cake ^^我承认我是需要人陪的小女人。是绝望了吧，是看开了吧，我不想梦想有一个还没出现的他会来陪我完成想做的事，想去的地方。想要自己下车走走，看下路能带我多遥远。

果然今晚我似乎像个就来死去的人。突然有那个冲劲想去改变。
可能今天说说下星期又回到原点。
反正现在是活在当下。

现在有话，马上写blog;
不然的话，闷着不syok!

老板真厉害

我的老板跟我蛮有缘的。
十年前，他就是医我妈妈，那个脾气坏又麻辣的医生！
当年我妈的眼病算很罕见的哪一种，而且据说是十个里面，
不幸的哪一个。算他有良心，都医好了。
刚开始做工都不知道原来就是他。
还听过很多同事说，没有给他骂过就不算在这里做过工。
他人很直接，什么都要快，讲话又大声。
每次都被误会在吵架。。。
但是我欣赏的就是他，straight to the point，头头是道！
他知识也太广了。不只在医学上，法律也行。
所以跟他斗，输定！
很多人以为我拍他马屁。
但是跟他相处之下，会知道其实还有很多可以学习的。
够了。。。back to the story.

昨天我就遇到一位野蛮奶奶。
以为自己很厉害，捉字来攻击我。
我逼不得已向老板求救。
老板也没怪我，一句“我来！”
他跑去跟那“安啼”解释，我在旁听。
Simple fact, common sense他可以拿来
当例子，使你觉得 “为什么我没有想到咧？”
(当然如果我会想到我也做老板了啦）
这个野蛮奶奶最后输不是因为她服。
多于她讲的是废话，他讲的是道理，斗不过。。
收声咯，Hihi ^^
其实我在想，人命（in this case 视力）重要
还是讲道理重要？
给你讲赢又怎样？最后你也是得在医生“刀“下

总之一句， 老板， 赞！！！

 

~ grace ~

冰淇淋的故事

记得小时候，爸爸都不肯让我吃冰淇淋。因为小时候常常咳嗽。
每当我问爸爸时，他都说等中学以后才准我吃。
当年的我又怎么知道离中学的日子 还有几久？
终于到了十岁，不知道为什么，爸爸破例买了一支雪糕给我。
而且吃了都没事，所以我就从此开始“享用“ 咯！

小时候的我只知道雪糕甜甜很好吃。但是有时太冰，使我牙齿软就不喜欢。
然后长大以后的我就知道，每次不开心时，只要吃了雪 糕心情就会好转。
似乎中间有一段记忆不见了。。。
直到最近，心情有点低落，在公司吵要吃雪糕，同事才问起什么时候
雪糕可以帮忙解 除烦恼。
想着想着才记得，刚上大学时，有一次周末被逼留下来for一个活动。
想念家的我，又独自在宿舍里郁闷。。。就约了当时刚认识的一 位“新朋友“
载我去吃雪糕。果然心情变好了。朋友还说“你还蛮容易满足的！“
就这样，每一次不开心时，
潜意识就会提醒我 - 吃雪糕。

当然雪糕不能替你解决问题。
但可以让我比较乐观，心情好自然有办法！
像今天一样， 我就吃了Baskin Robin's Double Scoop!

要一起成长

前几天跟朋友喝茶，谈到有时我们女子告诉你们男人一些事情，并不是要做出任何反应。只是我们纯粹分享，希望你支持下，同意下。所以其中一个朋友提到说她找的理想情人是能够和她一起成长，学习，经历，才能减低摩擦力。心低下我非常同意，所以才很佩服那些在一起了很多年的情侣。人生都有很多个阶段。如果有人陪你经过这些点点滴滴不是很好吗？

男人总是喜欢说有事业，有钱财才找老婆。女人不明白的是，难道你的努力的过程不值得跟我分享吗？而男人也很清楚知道，爱你的她，哪会介意你没有金钱，没有地位？反而为自己努力的男人超有魅力！全都是男人自己衰爱面！对我来说，与我分享就是在乎我的表示。在乎我等于让我成为你生活的一分子。让我成为你生活的一分子代表你我的一切都会有两个人去面对。让我和你一起成长，才算是你的女人。

我曾经读过一篇文章说：女孩子在她20岁左右是她最美丽，心地最善良；有点成熟，又有点孩子气。男孩子在他20岁左右却是他最暗淡的日子。什么都没有。不能独立，又不想依赖。所以如果他在20岁左右遇见了相同年龄的她，一定要珍惜，因为这女孩是用自己最美丽的年华陪他走过最暗淡的日子！女孩子要的就是这种成长过程，管他是不是衔着金锁匙出世！

给男人的话：如果小妹我有说错的地方，请留言 ^^

Baby Janice

I present to you, my cute lil niece - Janice On...

I couldnt recall how many times she just made me smile :)

Not becoz she's a baby, but becoz so happen every time I'm sad, she does something special like she knows her ah yee is sad.

Always, we had expect to kiss babies coz they r too cute! But one day, she suddenly just came near me, like very manja... hug me n then put her lips on my cheek! That's de sweetest sweetest sweetest thing she'd ever done...

Now baby Janice is growing bigger n bigger...Oh, so adorable...

N you know why I tink of her now? Coz she's coming home tomorrow.. My bundle of joy is home! So....i gotta go ^^

Toast to my brother

I'm sure those of you who knows me, will know how close my brother is to me. Everytime there's a change in us, I feel sad. The last time I cried was when he went to Singapore.

Today, he's married. First day married. Exchanging vows and signing of marriage certs. Its the first tot in every sister: I lost my brother! Of course there goes the saying too that,# You didn't lose a brother you gained a sister in law.#

I read this online. "Change is hard for everyone. He will be the same brother you love today and the same brother you love tomorrow. It will take a little bit of adjustment thats all".Or, "He's allowed to have his own life, as are you. Sure relationship will change, that's life, but he's still your brother."

N when I came to the part which says, "This is the progression of life. I'm certain he'd love to hear how special he is to you, and how much you miss having him around. You'll leave home too, one day." I CRIED. Yes, he is special to me. Mayb I grew up without a father, he was like a father firgure and a close fren to me.

I remember how I hated to play the piano for him, coz it made me feel tat i'm never good enough. I'd always wanted to let him see my success in something, no matter what that means. So much so that we dun really share when it comes to BG relationship. Until recently, I cried in front of him, when I knew my r'ship was over. He protected me like a big brother. Spend time with me, let me have my space, gave me solutions on how to get over it. Gave me options on how to be a better person. Wanting me to grow up so that I can be independent, knowing that he cant spend so much time with me anymore - Especially now that he's gonna build his own family!

I'm really not sad becos he's "taken over"... but moreover, I will miss him a lot!
Still I wanna share a toast to my brother:

"Daniel,may you and your wife remain lovers, for all of your life.Let your love endure beyond the last sunset, Cheers!"

丁当 - 可以不可以

可不可以让我回到突然长大那一天
那一刻 他的吻改变我的世界
可不可以这个夏天 这些故事能永远
球场边 界外线 我们已越走越远

# 我可以划一个圈 把自己关在里面
把回忆挡在外面
却不能停止想念 在我的天空蔓延
他有的善良和善变
我可以划一个圈 当做是完美句点
还他自由的蓝天
却不能 停止想念 一幕幕甜美画面
如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂 是谁#

可不可以让我练习心碎时候的想念
等着他已走远才能落下眼泪
可不可以让我消失在地平线这瞬间
哭过了 冷却了 起风了却不能 飞

When can I truly let go?

Wedding bells vs biological clock

Argh! HELP~ tonight I just got to know, one of my close fren is engaged. Another fren is proposing to his Gf soon.From the radio, morning is David's 今天你要嫁给我，evening is 杜德伟's 嫁给我. All bells are ringing including my emergency bell!!!! Oh God, feel so left out.Feel like there's a need to rush. I'm gonna auction myself off.

Cheers to Yvonne, that makes 2 of us now. Study so much for what? All the statistics, logical tinking, psychological effect.... useless! While typing this I already slapped myself twice. Feeling so "gosh".....
Alot of "If I had made my choice wiser"... "If I had mature faster"... "If I had....".... "If I had...."........... 有早知就没乞丐!

really hor, I tink 陈小春's song very suit me now.

上帝會保佑我的　愛情總會來的　
我在夢中一切都有 可惜現實呀　常常是相反的

愛他的女人很多　那我又算什麼　我在雨中喝著悶酒
反正幸福呀　對我是奢侈的

心裡太清楚了　其實他不愛我
奇怪　地球上怎麼會沒有人　看上我

神啊　救救我吧　一把年紀了　一個愛人都沒有
孤獨是可憐的　如果沒愛過　人生是黑白的

神啊　救救我吧　一個人晃了半輩子了　為什麼
我這樣的女人哪　就快要絕種　他呢　又在哪兒

神啊保佑我啊！！！

Butterfly fly away

It sometimes get on my nerve and feel upset over my mom. Its not her nagging, her scolding, her lecturing or anything wrong with me. Sometimes, she just worry over things that she doesnt have too.

When I say I will wake on my own, she still puts her alarm to wake up earlier than me.
When I say I'm gonna have breakfast in office, she will still make oats ready on the table.
When I'm about to leave, she will ask have I got this, have i taken that...... when in fact, over all these years, she knows that out of all her children, I forget things the less, and am well organized. Because I dun like the kinda "Oh, suck, I forget this, then take trouble to find a substitute or live in deep regret for not checking my things"

Sometimes I get angry because she herself oso duno wat is going on and I've got everything all worked out!  I'm just angry over her care, that she loves me too much for me to repay. I'm trying to tell her, I am able. I still need you, but i'm really a big girl now. I can't repay you much, but right now the best I can do is be on my own, not to trouble u when I dun hv to. Coz I start seeing my mom growing old. Start noticing that she deserves more and I'm not able to give her that.

Of coz, all mothers put their children first. but dun look down on me if u see me angry over her. Not becos she loved me less, but becos I loved her too much

Dedicate to you

陈奕讯 - 好久不见

我来到 你的城市 走过你来时的路
想像着 没我的日子 你是怎样的孤独
拿着你 给的照片 熟悉的那一条街
只是没了你的画面 我们回不到那天

你会不会忽然的出现 在街角的咖啡店
我会带着笑脸 挥手寒喧 和你 坐着聊聊天
我多么想和你见一面 看看你最近改变
不再去说从前 只是寒喧 对你说一句
只是说一句 好久不见


I'm letting it go. This is a really sweet song.
Make me feel安慰.Hopefully, one day I am brave enuf to say
好久不见

此刻你心里想起谁

从小就知道自己很感性,很情绪化.所有人与人之间的都对我来说很重要.小时候,很注重family day.所以当姐姐开始上大学,少回家时,我生气.哥哥在外地工作,我难过.到长大了,我逐渐发现朋友越来越少了.不是没去联络.只是大家要的都不一样了.读书时候,大家唯一的目标就是 - 毕业!毕业后,有些人,事业为重.有些人,安稳就好.有些人,工作是额外,explore为主.总之,你得空,人家未必啊,甚至睬你都傻!
结果,我知道了.Moral of the story is:你会做的,人家未必也会这样做.你会想要这样做,是因为你以为换做是别人也会这样做.同样的,人家会有这样的一举一动,因为他们也认为你会这样做.Example,当我有事不开心,不出声.我希望的是人家问我一句"怎么了",我就会全部涌出来.因为如果看到人家突然静了,我会问那一句.但是有些人会让你自己焖个够吧.因为他们本身认为如果他们想静一静,最好别人就别问!
那么,为了让自己不要那么辛苦,就不要为别人做那么多,因为别人不一定会珍惜.除非自己得空到不介意浪费力气.他们不放effort有如定局.知道如果自己也不做什么,分明是等死.但我为什么要委屈自己.不是我要斗气,计较我为朋友付出多少.而是每次的付出换来失望,投诉,拒绝和不满.很累的咧!而我属牛嘛,我如果问一次,两次,都被拒绝,我就是Fine.No more next time.我有那种"为什么要求人? I'm fine if u don't want"的attitude!
唯一让我回头想的是,这段relationship.曾经是最好的朋友.最疯狂的,最贴心的,谁讲他/她半点坏话就是跟我过不去 - 那一种relationship. 现在,我累了.我开始接受我们的是回忆.真的.就是可能都会见到面但是已经share不出什么.所以久而久之,他/她会是可能在我脑海里闪过他说的某句话,或无意中连想起的片段 - 回忆!
同样的.今晚有类似这样的感觉.我知道大家现在忙的不得了,我太得空.约你,你很忙.问太多,人家也不懂该给什么反应好.有时我以为你很忙,可是随口也问一声,原来你已经在外Happy着了.OMG!!!!很"thum"心口咧!
所以啊,今晚让我想起一些失去了,失去中,将会失去,希望不会失去的每一个他/她.每天要为自己找后路.所以有时真的恨不得想换个环境.可以从新建立,又不需要考虑这些放不放弃的relationship.现在还好...希望真的不要让我对我所关心的人,去到一个彻底死心的地步.

Public Hols

Public Holiday. In the middle of the week. Leave me all alone in the quiet city.
After "forcing" my friend to write his blog, I was tinking, maybe I shud start one myself. Today is Malaysia's freedom day. I shud also be celebrating my freedom!
I'm trying to put this relationship behind me. A relationship not worthy in God's eyes... no matter how much I can do and willing to try, it will still be no in God's eyes. He is the almighty one. What else can I say?

I'm just curious how come people never call. Is it because everyone have their plans all planned long before or am I the only pitiful one without a plan in hand? I wished I dun have to always plan what I need to do. I wished I could just wake up from my sleep because someone called. Just a cup of coffee together would be great. SOme gossips would add some flavors too. Or if u dun like talking, I dun mind to the movies! Oh well, in the end, I spent my morning doing what I do best - music and pictures!Love creative works. Love editing pictures. Love putting words into photos. Love meaningful lyrics that can show exactly what I wanna say.

I dun mind going out alone. I love feeling pretty and confident, coz nobody at the moment make me feel tis way. I almost cried over the phone when I spoke to mom. I bite my lips just to hold back that tears. Everyone knows I'll be fine, and I can be independent. But that is what I fear most. I fear being on my own. If I had a choice, wouldn't I choose to depend on someone? Sometimes I see people coming to my work place. They might be sick, but they have their partners with them.When u see ah kong ah ma... u cannot help but become more caring to them, coz the love u see, melts ur heart n watever bullshit u just swallow before that.

So much for my first blog.